Disclaimer and Acknowledgement

The below work is transcribed for the purposes of criticism and review as allowed under UK law as fair dealing.

All copyright for the original work remains with the original performer.

"Live from the BBC" Episode #1.1 (TV Episode 2016) - IMDb

Transcription – Mae Martin – Broadcast: 24\02\2016

Start Date of Transcription – 29-06-2020

TRANSCRIPTION START – 00:30

B1	{Makes way to the stage, waving with both hands and smiling, then grabs the microphone from the stand} [A:C(17)]	1
	Hi!	2
	{Moves the microphone stand to downstage left}	3
	Hi guys, how’s it going?	4
	{Gestures with left arm in a sweep across body} [W:C]	5
	This is very exciting isn’t it? Um	6
	I’m Mae Martin is everybody good? Are you guys well? [W:<yes>]	7
1a	Did everyone have a good, childhood? [l(2)]	8
1b	Our childhoods are over um	9
	I’m excited to be here thank you for having me in this, um, country	10
	Um, I’m from Canada originally anybody from Canada?	11
	{Shields eyes to look out into the audience} [!whoop!]	12
	Oh really? {She looks to the source of the response} Do we know each other? [L(2)]	13
	Do we…? Where are you from? [!Alberta!]	14
	Oh cool, that’s errm.. don’t know [L] um	15
	Cool {waves}	16
	Nice to meet you whats your name? [!Shannon!]	17
	Hey Shannon, Cool {shrugs} [l(2)]	18
	Don’t know I’m not going to {laughs nervously} talk to you anymore um [L(2)] {laughs nervously}	19
B2 2a	Yeah I’m… I’m excited to be in England though this is very exciting	20
2b	My parents are very worried about me though my parents Wendy and James, give it up for Wendy and James please [C:A:W(4)]	21
2c	Please.. They’re the best they’re so worried about me living overseas	22
2d	Like.. they’re just worried about me being alive, on this earth, in general but my mum, [l] Wendy Martin poor Wendy is so anxious	23
2e	Like the sentence that she says	24
2f	more than any other sentence in the English language is just…	25
2g	|{nervously looking around}”Oh my god”|[L]	26
3a	That’s her level of stress, her base level that she operates on all the time is just |{cups microphone, nervously looking around}”Oh my god”|[l]	27
3b	She… I’ll speak to her on the phone a lot, she’ll call from Canada, she’s always like	28
3c	|”How’s the weather?”{Martin looks unimpressed}[l]”How’s the weather in London?”|	29
3d	Just furious about it [L(2)]	30
4a	I’m like “Oh it’s fine it’s like a little bit damp”	31
4b	|{closes eyes as if pained}”Oh my god”[L(2)]	32
4c	”You’re going to get spores”{Voice breaks, swallows}|[L(2)]	33
4d	Is that a threat in England? Spores? [l]	34
5a	She’s er… she’s stressed about it today she was like |”what are you doing this evening?”| I was like “oh actually I’m doing a	35
5b	A BBC gig” |{closes eyes as if pained}”Oh my god”[L(2)]	36
5c	“that could make you or break you|[L]{gurns as if in fear}	37
5d	Oh god thanks mom![L]	38
5e	Oh cool I’ll just relax then [L(2)]	39
	Um… {Scratches right side of head with left hand}	40
B3 6a	They call… They’re calling like twice as they normally, would as well they’re very concerned I just got out of a long term… relaish	41
6b	So they’re very worried, thank you for your sympathy by the way(!)[L:Aw]	42
6c	Um… Thanks it was a real… it was a three year relaish	43
6d	It was a proper like long term… I think	44
6e	One of the early signs you’re not mature enough to be in a long term relaish is you are abbreviating the word relationship [L]	45
6f	To um… I can’t get through the word but um [L]	46
6g	It’s fine, we broke up in Decembs and erm [L(2)]	47
7a	And I’m… I’m fine guys I’m so good	48
7b	Just catching up on my reading [l]	49
7c	Just reading, her Facebook page [L]	50
7d	As i… As if it’s a thriller, I’m reading it, um	51
8a	But you know what, who’s single by the way? [w]	52
8b	Ok good number do you feel I’ve…	53
8c	The only time that I really feel alone	54
8d	Enough like (higher pitched)”oh no”[l]	55
8e	Is when I’m trying to put a duvet cover on a duvet [L(3)]	56
9a	Isn’t that the... It’s the loneliest task [l(2)] I don’t…something about it is so bleak	57
9b	I get halfway through doing that I’m like (disturbed) “I’m going to go write my will” [L(2)]	58
9c	I don’t…”I’m going to sleep in the bathtub tonight” [l]	59
B4 10a	Um, yeah but I’m… It’s fine because…	60
10b	but my mum I went home erm to… to…	61
10c	visit Canada after my breakup and my mum used the opportunity of my breakup to, like broach some topics with me erm	62
10d	because I was in a relationship with a woman and my mum was like, she was like	63
10e	|{eyes closed, despairing} “Your father and I are very… sad obviously	64
10f	Very concerned but (pitch changes up) we were wondering, silver lining {smacks lips} [l]	65
10g	Have you… have you thought about switching it up?”|[L(2)]	66
B5 11a	{Eyes closed as if pained} I was… argh… I was like yeah fine like I don’t talk to my mum about like the intricacies of my dating life but I do really like men, I’ve dated men	67
11b	An… an… an eclectic group of very.. lucky men {giggles} [L]	68
12a	In my… in my life like I got Tinder, as soon as I was single I got Tinder..	69
12b	All right sorry, slightly before I was single [L(2)]	70
13a	I got Tinder and you know how you, um	71
13b	You set your settings on Tinder, on that dating app to attract a certain demographic	72
13c	So you’ll put like you put age, I put eighteen to, seven-hundred [L]	73
14a	I… Like I’m open to… and you put the gender you want to attract	74
14b	So I… I set… I put my settings to match with men and women, I was really surprised by	75
14c	Not just how shocked my friends were in England cos they’ve only known me to date this one girl	76
14d	But they were, annoyed at me {scoffs}[l] about it	77
14e	Like my friends were like they were like |(confused)”what?”|	78
14f	They were like |(voice wavering)”no”{looking pained}|[S→L]	79
14g	They were like |(confused)”but. your hair”|[L(4)]	80
14h	They were like |(accusatory)”you.. you lied”{flicks chin up}|[L]	81
14i	I was like “How did I lie?! I didn’t mean to!” but they were like |(voice wavering)”you lied with your hair”| [L(3)]	82
B6	Um…	83
15a	Yeah but I did…I… my first boyfriend when I was 13 his name was Ian Peach	84
15b	I think we only hung out like twice [l] but we were in… we were in love	85
15c	And erm… Ian Peach broke up with me on speakerphone while all of his friends were laughing, they were room laughing [S→aw(2)]	86
15d	Yeah thanks ten of you(!) what eighty percent of you are like	87
15e	|(nonplussed)”yeah, fine, that seems…” [L]	88
15f	“That seems normal.. that’s…”|	89
16a	No it was the absolute worst it was so harsh	90
16b	And he had brought a CD player in and he was playing our song, over the phone… which was… [Aw]	91
16c	He was… I know! He was playing our song which is Aerosmiths ’Don’t Want To Miss A Thing’ [l]	92
16d	That was our song. Because we slow danced to it at a party and he got a semi, so that was our song [L(2)]	93
16e	That will… that will always be our song [l]	94
16f	Um… And he was like “Look I don’t think we should see each other anymore”	95
16g	and then I hear these peals of laughter, realise like his whole class is listening	96
16h	I’m… {makes pained noise} I’m over it, now [l]	97
16i	Like I rarely discuss it publicly [L(2)]	98
B7 17a	But um… I was doing an interview recently for a… like a magazine	99
17b	And the structure of the interview was ten rapid fire questions	100
17c	So they were like “This will be really fun, it’s word association	101
17d	Just say the first thing that pops into your head, easy questions”	102
17e	So we start off and it’s like “what’s your favorite icecream, whats your… whats the best thing about London” like easy stuff	103
17f	We get to the final question and they’re like |(upbeat) “last question, rapid fire, why are you gay?”|{shakes head in disbelief}[S→l]	104
17g	What do… As a rapid fire. [L(3)] question, and I was like	105
17h	{shakes head up and down and gurgles}	106
18a	Panicking! I think if I’d had any time to like, think it over	107
18b	I would have come up with something, vaguely progressive like “I think labels can be divisive and, I don’t feel the need to identify as anything other than a human being”	108
18c	But I panicked, and said “maybe Ian Peach. [L(4)→l(2)] in grade nine”	109
19a	{stuttering}… For real, the first thing that came to my mind, was his face	110
19b	And the worst part is, and I wish I has written this, as a joke but you can, Google the, interview… [l] ahm…	111
19c	They’ve misquoted me, and they won’t change it	112
19d	And I’m now on record as saying in answer to the question “Why are you gay?”	113
19e	They’ve put “maybe eating a peach in grade nine” [L(7)] {covers mouth with hand}	114
19f	It’s.. the worst misquote [L(3)]	115
20a	{scoffs} And the worst part is my… my mum has a Google alert set up [l]	116
20b	You know you can set up an alert on Google where if key words come up you get an email so my mum has one with my name, of course [l]	117
20c	So my mum got an email with that interview and then I got a phone call like |{wide eyes}”Oh my god”|[L(2)]	118
20d	And she was like |”is it true?”| [l]	119
20e	She was like |”I don’t understand we gave your brother the same peaches” [L(4)] {closes eyes in pained expression}|	120
B8	Guys you’ve been so nice, I’ve been Mae Martin thank you very much {waves with left hand over head} [C:A(12)]	121
	{moves the stand and replaces in the middle of the stage, replaces the microphone, waves with right hand and then leaves}	122

 

TRANSCRIPTION END - 07:43

Total performance time – 07:13